5% Gone!!

That's five PERCENT, not five POUNDS!  In other words, I've now lost over 5% of my original weight.  5% of 350lbs is 17.5lbs.  I've actually lost 20.6 total, since starting Weight Watchers on September 2nd.  Next big goal is 10%, and I'll hit that when I've lost 35lbs... so less than 15lbs from now.

I find the little acknowledgment of these mini-goals to really help keep me motivated.  I mean, I'm thrilled with every loss obviously - right now, each pound lost is making a major difference in how I feel, so I'm celebrating them all.  But having small increments to aim for, to acknowledge, to cheer over - well, it makes the whole process a lot less daunting.  If I focus on the fact that I set 170lbs as my goal, meaning I want to lose 180lbs total... that's just too big, too much to conceptualize.  It's like trying to wrap your mind around a vigintillion - the mind just boggles.

Let's put this into perspective.  I went on a Google hunt:

This is 180lbs of food.

This is 180lbs of cocaine - lovely, huh?







And this is the very lovely model, Lizzi Miller - she weighs 180lbs.  So, I have to lose one of her.

She's 5'11.  I'm 5'10.  So if I'm really lucky (aka if I work really hard), I'll physically be about the same size/measurements as her when I'm done.  Since she is absolutely gorgeous and has a beautiful body, I can certainly live with that!

So ok, it's easy to visualize how much 180lbs is, by itself.  Now imagine being me, and realizing that the weight of those cans of food, of that cocaine, of that beautiful woman - is the EXTRA I am carrying around on my body.  On ONE skeleton.  ONE set of muscles.  ONE body.  So I'm working towards there being less than half of me from when I started. I'm already 20.6lbs on my way, so 159.4 to go.  Or put another way, I have to repeat what I've already done 8 more times.

I can do that.

I dropped another point this week as well - 37 points worth of food each day.  I find that something to celebrate as well.  I still have days where I think, "how am I going to eat all this food?  I'm just not that hungry!"  But I've found ways to incorporate in more of my points without adding to the quantity of food I'm consuming, and that's helping me a lot.  My BMI has gone from 50, at 350lbs to 47, at 329lbs.  That's an improvement as well - certainly nothing to sneeze at.  My BMI at 170lbs will be 24.  Another thing I had more than half to lose, and which is now LESS than half.  23 points to go.  Much better than the original 26.  So again, something I have to do about 8 more times.

I can do that, too.

Little milestones help with motivation, they help keep me interested, they help keep me feeling as if I'm making progress.  I still worry about my ability to maintain this path I'm on.  I worry that I'll allow something to interfere - internal or external.  I've got the holidays coming up, but they don't worry me.  It isn't so much that I'm convinced of my own superior ability to stay "on plan" during holiday meals, it's that I am not worried about going OFF plan a couple of days.  If I eat too much on Thanksgiving, that doesn't derail my journey, it doesn't stop me.  Whatever weight I've lost by then, I won't put it all back on from a single meal.

I'm also lucky I guess - while my stomach capacity is somewhat increased because I'm eating regularly, it's still not that big.  So my ability to overeat is limited, physically, by the fact that I've spent so many years only eating once a day.  There's only so much damage you can do when your stomach won't accommodate huge portions of food.  Zeb and I will probably be at home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, which means I have full control over what foods we eat those days.  I'm not going to be baking big batches of cookies or making pies.  And while we'll probably do turkey & trimmings for Thanksgiving, Christmas is as likely to be the herb roasted eye of round, as anything.

I worry more about the hubby being laid off again, and what that does to our grocery budget, so what I've been trying to do is to keep a budget in mind when planning my meals and such.  I know I'm spending more on groceries than I used to - but then again, we're not eating out every day, or in his case, several times a day.  There are things I buy right now for convenience, that I could buy more cheaply - applesauce is a good example.  I know I pay more for the little cups than I would for a jar.  We buy some of those 100 calorie packs, but it would be more cost effective to buy a regular bag and divide it up myself.  The convenience packs and such have helped teach me that I CAN eat well and in reasonable portions, and to understand what foods I really like, what are important parts of my meal plan, what I can do without.  Now I need to focus on making it all cost less - but I believe I can handle that as well.

Making it through these last 5 weeks on plan has done a lot for my confidence in general.  So much more than Atkins ever did - though granted, we didn't "do" Atkins for very long.  I think it might be because there's just nothing restrictive about Weight Watchers, and I'm learning that I can eat very well - even in terms of taste, or outright indulgence - and it isn't "bad."  There is NOTHING about my current eating habits that I have any reason to feel guilty about.  I'm making positive choices every few hours, every single day.  For my headspace, this is making an enormous difference.  I constantly feel like I'm accomplishing something, even if it is "just" making healthy choices.

To me, Weight Watchers is a miracle.

Random Bits of Life Stuff...

I don't have anything in particular to blog about, but I absolutely don't want to get OUT of the habit of updating my site, so I'm just going to kind of take a random ramble through various things.

First, I've added another star to my repertoire - another "additional 5lbs" star.  Total weight loss as of September 30th, 16.4lbs.  I even got a little warning notice!

I was pretty pleased to have that pop up on my screen.  From a programming perspective, I found it amusing - the algorithm doesn't take into consideration the initial "big losses" most of us experience the first few weeks on plan, especially those of us in the 300lbs+ category.

I know my weight loss will slow down as my body adjusts to my healthier eating habits, and I know I will even have weeks where I gain or don't lose at all.  I'm fine with that, and right now just still feeling good that I've lost enough that the system warned me. LOL

I also did my new measurements this weekend.  Once I finish this post, I'll go update them individually on the My Stats page.  The quick summary is that I lost a total of 8.5" off my body, but somehow gained 1" on one of my thighs.  I think hubby messed up with the measuring tape last month maybe. LOL  I have not yet found myself fitting into a smaller size, but here's the thing - I think the largest pair of jeans I own are a size 26 - two identical pair.  I do not think I actually WORE a size 26, I think I just was lucky enough to find a few pair that had enough stretch in them that I could wear them.  Most of my jeans are 24s or 22s, and I don't fit into any of them.  But the two pair of 26 are definitely fitting better, without question - obviously fitting better.

I also have no real way to gauge when it comes to shirt sizes.  I own a lot of 4x and 5x tops.  I only wear loose, flowing tops.  So I suspect it will be quite some time before I've lost enough weight to really notice that my shirts are truly too big for me.  I've not yet figured out how I'm going to determine that.  Mostly, I just don't plan to worry about it until I have to.  I will continue to take my measurements monthly, and periodically try on smaller pairs of jeans that I own and simply go from there.

We went out for dinner twice this week - kind of unusual since we've been on plan.  One night we went to Applebee's.  We got their asiago steak with red potatoes and broccoli.  The potatoes were excellent, the steak was decent, the broccoli was horrible.  I love broccoli - I ate two bites of it.  I don't think we'll be going back there for dinner for a while.  Last night we decided to "treat" ourselves and go to Red Lobster.  Because of our breakfast and lunch choices, we had a LOT of points available to us for dinner and we used them.  Seafood stuffed mushrooms, salad (no croutons, balsamic dressing), steak and lobster with drawn butter, mashed potatoes (lower in points than the baked w/sour cream and butter) and asparagus.

Oh my goodness... it was a FANTASTIC meal!  I used only the tiniest bit of the drawn butter - it was the highest point item (10 if I'd used the whole serving!!!) of what I ate.  I only had two of the mushroom caps, but ate the entire lobster tail (was liberal with the lemon juice) and almost all of the steak.  Definitely ate every bite of the taters and the asparagus.  Most of the salad (iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, carrot).  It was a truly wonderful meal.  Probably the best I've ever had at Red Lobster - I'm usually not a huge fan of theirs, but hubby really wanted to go there.  I was so impressed.  We'll definitely go back the next time we've got the points and the willingness to spend $80 on dinner. LOL

I think I'm going to write up a page about the whole, "I can't eat all of my points" phenomenon.  I know it frustrates a lot of the ladies on the 100+ WW group I hang out on, and I understand why they find it frustrating when someone shows up and posts that.  But I also understand what the newbies are going through in that regard.  I see the same comment posted again and again, "you didn't get fat by not eating, so stop acting like you can't eat all your points," and while there is some truth to that, it is not true for everyone.

I got fat by not eating, and by making poor choices when I DID eat.  When I was on the department, it didn't matter what I ate or when - I was working out 6 days a week, chasing after three small children, working part time at a private ambulance company.  No matter what I did or did not put into my body, I couldn't have gained weight if I tried.  I had less than 10% body fat.  I could bench press over 300lbs, leg press over 1000lbs.

When I got injured and left the department, my body had no idea how to cope. Neither did I.  I gained 100lbs in the first 12 months.  I was mostly eating a peanut butter sandwich, a thing of Ramen noodles and a glass of milk.  Once a day.  That was it, and it started a pattern.  My stomach (the actual organ) shrank as my belly grew.  I drove the hubby and the BF crazy.  We'd go out to eat and I'd pick at my food, eating only a few bites.  I was rarely hungry "for" anything, and when it came time to pick something to eat, I couldn't make a decision.  Nor did it help either of their waistlines that whatever I didn't finish, they usually would.  I wonder how many pounds those two are carrying around just from polishing off my food.  *insert guilt here*  Add to that, when I'd go visit the BF, we'd eat three meals a day - unlike at home.  Hubby would go to work, I wouldn't eat while he was gone.  He'd come home, we'd have dinner.  He'd finish what I didn't eat. But visiting the BF, we were together for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  He'd want to eat all three meals, and I was with him.  So he'd have his three meals, and often half of mine.  If hubby was along, at least they were dividing it up between them.  Nice of me to be handing so much extra food to them, huh?  Not.

Suffice it to say, the concept of eating 40pts worth of food was terribly daunting, and I thought, impossible.  I've learned how to adapt, and my body is thanking me for it.  So I definitely understand where the other newbies are coming from, and I think I can help.  I'll work on getting that page up tomorrow since I need to go to bed soon.

I forgot to take progress pictures when we did the measurements today.  Hubby says we'll do them tomorrow.  I'm not sure when I'll upload them to the site - but I doubt it will be for a few months.  I want to be able to SEE some progress in the pictures before I start sharing them.  I'm just not ready for that yet.  But I will be, of that I have no doubt.

I do know that I FEEL progress.  I truly am amazed by what a difference those 16lbs have made in how I feel, physically.  It's such a drastic improvement.  For me, with my back and my fibromyalgia, it's something of a miracle.  I know that I need to get started with some sort of more formalized exercise plan, whether that be getting into the YMCA and swimming, signing up for water aerobics, getting serious about walking, getting the Wii fit setup.  Right now, I'm still so happy about being able to take care of things around my house, I'm sort of basking in that.  I've also got a little fear about the whole thing - I am afraid of pushing myself into a fibro flare by overdoing it.  It's so easy to overdo it when you finally feel some lessening of the pain, but it's a trap, and one I have learned to be leery of.

So I am trying to prioritize.  Right now, my house desperately needed my attention.  I'm starting there.  Given how sedentary I was before starting Weight Watchers, this represents activity for me.  The tracker even allows me to earn one activity point for every 10 minutes of housework I do because of my weight and previous activity level.  I am starting there.  I have various projects around the house I intend to finish in the coming days/weeks to bring my house back "up to snuff" by my standards.  Then I'll start worrying about adding in additional activity - pushing myself with walking further, getting into the classes at the YMCA, etc.  If I don't ease into this, I'll wind up in bed for a month.  That is probably the biggest potential for derailment of my weight loss efforts that I have, so I am doing what I can to keep it from becoming an issue.

It's actually hard to remind myself to sit down and rest - I want to keep going.  I'm so eager to get into that pool at the Y, I can taste it.  But that way lies the potential for sabotage, so I am trying to proceed at a reasonable pace rather than rushing in.

Patience has never been one of my virtues.