My sky (and profile) are full of stars!

If anyone is wondering, no I haven't given up or given in ;)  Just had a busy few weeks and have been using my downtime to play an MMORPG game as a nice distraction.

  In weight-loss news, things are rocking for me!

Isn't it pretty???  Total, I've lost 29lbs on the nose so far.  And this week is when I do my measurements again, so I'm excited to see what they show.  I'm just 6lbs away from my 10% goal, and will then have lost 10% of my starting body weight.  That's just so amazing to me... 10% of me... GONE!  10% is a very subjective reference, though it may not seem so on its face.  10% of $1.00 is a dime.  Not too impressive. But if you're buying a million dollar home and the seller offers you a 10% discount?  That's a whole 'nother house you could buy as a summer place.

Take a minute and look at yourself in the mirror.  Imagine that 10% of your body were gone.  In emergency medicine, we learn about the Rule of Nines, relating to burn percentage in adults.  If your entire left arm is burned, we say "9% of the body is burned."  The palm is another 1%.  So is the groin, actually.  So... imagine your arm gone, and your groin.  Yeah, ok, not the greatest imagery - but putting it into perspective, that's 10% of your body.  I'm 6lbs away from having lost that much of my body weight.  To me, this is just mind boggling.

I'm trying to lose 51.432% of my starting body weight. total.  Using the Rule of Nines again - both legs (18% each), an arm (9%), half of the other arm and the groin.  Now obviously, I'm pretty attached to my various limbs and my girly-bits, and fortunately, weight-loss doesn't cost you any part of your body but the fat that's actually padding all the pertinent bits... but I think the imagery is still useful in being able to visualize something relating to your actual body to understand just how much is going away.

I know the popular suggestion is to go to the store and find a few cuts of meat to add up to the total... but I can't "relate" to meat in my grocery store.  For one, I'm a hypocritical carnivore.  I know where that lovely roast in my fridge came from, I just don't want to think about it mooing.  Plus, have you ever actually SEEN the fat inside a human body?  Please believe me when I tell you, it doesn't look like the fat you trimmed off your pork chops the other day.  You don't want the mental image in your head when you're looking at something you're going to want to eat later... well, unless you're trying some sort of negative reinforcement therapy I guess,  Me, I already have a screwed up enough relationship with food, I don't need to be thinking of it - and my body fat - at the same time.

Another reason I can't relate is because I can visualize that stack of meat as being part of me.  But I have no problem relating my arm as being mine, or my leg, or my oh-so-important girly-bits.  To motivate myself, to understand just what an incredible thing I'm doing, I need for it to relate to ME.  There's few things more personal than girly-bits. LOL

Speaking of the girly-bits, here's one of those things that might actually be useful for someone to know but it seems like no one ever discusses.  You lose weight there, too.  Yup, it's true.  I've always had a semi-poofy groin area.  If you ever look at a porno or a porn magazine, the women always seem to have very small, thin vaginal lips and such.  I've never been like that, my lips have always been poofy on their own... and as I gained weight, they got more poofy.  My pubic area has also always been a bit more full than most women's, and that increased as I gained weight as well. Losing the weight I have has caused a NOTICEABLE difference.  I'm never going to lose the poof completely, that's just how I'm built, but funnily enough it was the first place I noticed a real physical difference when I began losing weight.

When I weigh myself on Thursday, I'm not expecting a loss this week.  It's not that I've been overdoing it in terms of eating this last week, but I know I didn't make the best choices I could - especially in getting in my fruits and veggies.  My body responds really well to fruits and veggies, and I could feel the difference when they were just sort of an incidental part of my diet instead of a main staple.  Halloween wasn't an issue for us... I had some 100 calorie packs on hand if we got ToT'ers (we didn't), so there wasn't any candy laying around tempting me.  But because we had such a busy week, we did a lot of eating on the fly - and the stuff you get when you eat out is just never as good as what can be cooked at home.

Last night, however, I made garlic lime pork chops I found on Gina's website.  As with everything else I've made from her site, they were amazing.  We tossed them on the grill and OMG I have never had such a juicy pork chop in my life.  Served it with a side of garlic & herb rice, and a nice spinach salad.  I'm so glad there are leftovers... that's going to be my lunch in a few hours. We will DEFINITELY be making these again soon.  Hubby and I live in Michigan, but we grill all winter long.  One of the most expensive things we own is our gas grill.  We didn't skimp when we bought it, and we use it A LOT, even through the winter.  So these pork chops will be a regular part of our diet now.

It's funny, I've always shied away from grilled or broiled pork chops.  I had it in my head that I didn't like them prepared that way.  Actually, I was pretty much a Shake & Bake only kind of girl when it came to pork chops.  This recipe changed my mind, and now I'm eager to try some other grilled/broiled pork chop recipes. I was willing to give these a try specifically BECAUSE they were on Gina's site, and I've yet to make anything from there I don't love... I'm so glad I did, it's opened up an entire new option for me in food.

Tonight is the herb crusted eye of round roast again.  This gets made a lot because the leftovers are so good.  She uses a rib eye roast, but I like the cost/fat savings of using the eye of round.  We'll have hot crash potatoes as a side, some green beans & mushrooms, and maybe a salad.  I got the most fantastic organic baby spinach this week and I'm trying to make sure none of it goes to waste.  Raw spinach is definitely on my "top 10 favorite foods of all times" list.  All the other leafy greens completely pale (hahahaha) in comparison to me.

I'm going to be trying some of the various chili and stew recipes I've found in the coming weeks.  I make an awesome turkey chili, but I need to sit down some day and actually figure out the points for it.  If it's WW friendly, I'll post my recipe - but since I usually add maple syrup and/or honey, I have to really add it up.  I've made that chili for over 20 years, and I don't ever measure anything... so I'm going to have to make a batch and take some exact measurements while I do.  At least now I know enough about WW to be able to figure out how to make it more point-friendly if need be... but the truth is, even if I can't, I'd still keep making it and just budget my points carefully when I'm going to eat it.

So I guess that's my update.  I don't know how many entries I'll be making in the next few weeks... but I do want to try and make time to blog and to post on the 100lbs to lose community again.  If I can break away from killing charr and hunting down gargoyles and casting spells, I will. *grins*

Random Bits of Life Stuff...

I don't have anything in particular to blog about, but I absolutely don't want to get OUT of the habit of updating my site, so I'm just going to kind of take a random ramble through various things.

First, I've added another star to my repertoire - another "additional 5lbs" star.  Total weight loss as of September 30th, 16.4lbs.  I even got a little warning notice!

I was pretty pleased to have that pop up on my screen.  From a programming perspective, I found it amusing - the algorithm doesn't take into consideration the initial "big losses" most of us experience the first few weeks on plan, especially those of us in the 300lbs+ category.

I know my weight loss will slow down as my body adjusts to my healthier eating habits, and I know I will even have weeks where I gain or don't lose at all.  I'm fine with that, and right now just still feeling good that I've lost enough that the system warned me. LOL

I also did my new measurements this weekend.  Once I finish this post, I'll go update them individually on the My Stats page.  The quick summary is that I lost a total of 8.5" off my body, but somehow gained 1" on one of my thighs.  I think hubby messed up with the measuring tape last month maybe. LOL  I have not yet found myself fitting into a smaller size, but here's the thing - I think the largest pair of jeans I own are a size 26 - two identical pair.  I do not think I actually WORE a size 26, I think I just was lucky enough to find a few pair that had enough stretch in them that I could wear them.  Most of my jeans are 24s or 22s, and I don't fit into any of them.  But the two pair of 26 are definitely fitting better, without question - obviously fitting better.

I also have no real way to gauge when it comes to shirt sizes.  I own a lot of 4x and 5x tops.  I only wear loose, flowing tops.  So I suspect it will be quite some time before I've lost enough weight to really notice that my shirts are truly too big for me.  I've not yet figured out how I'm going to determine that.  Mostly, I just don't plan to worry about it until I have to.  I will continue to take my measurements monthly, and periodically try on smaller pairs of jeans that I own and simply go from there.

We went out for dinner twice this week - kind of unusual since we've been on plan.  One night we went to Applebee's.  We got their asiago steak with red potatoes and broccoli.  The potatoes were excellent, the steak was decent, the broccoli was horrible.  I love broccoli - I ate two bites of it.  I don't think we'll be going back there for dinner for a while.  Last night we decided to "treat" ourselves and go to Red Lobster.  Because of our breakfast and lunch choices, we had a LOT of points available to us for dinner and we used them.  Seafood stuffed mushrooms, salad (no croutons, balsamic dressing), steak and lobster with drawn butter, mashed potatoes (lower in points than the baked w/sour cream and butter) and asparagus.

Oh my goodness... it was a FANTASTIC meal!  I used only the tiniest bit of the drawn butter - it was the highest point item (10 if I'd used the whole serving!!!) of what I ate.  I only had two of the mushroom caps, but ate the entire lobster tail (was liberal with the lemon juice) and almost all of the steak.  Definitely ate every bite of the taters and the asparagus.  Most of the salad (iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, carrot).  It was a truly wonderful meal.  Probably the best I've ever had at Red Lobster - I'm usually not a huge fan of theirs, but hubby really wanted to go there.  I was so impressed.  We'll definitely go back the next time we've got the points and the willingness to spend $80 on dinner. LOL

I think I'm going to write up a page about the whole, "I can't eat all of my points" phenomenon.  I know it frustrates a lot of the ladies on the 100+ WW group I hang out on, and I understand why they find it frustrating when someone shows up and posts that.  But I also understand what the newbies are going through in that regard.  I see the same comment posted again and again, "you didn't get fat by not eating, so stop acting like you can't eat all your points," and while there is some truth to that, it is not true for everyone.

I got fat by not eating, and by making poor choices when I DID eat.  When I was on the department, it didn't matter what I ate or when - I was working out 6 days a week, chasing after three small children, working part time at a private ambulance company.  No matter what I did or did not put into my body, I couldn't have gained weight if I tried.  I had less than 10% body fat.  I could bench press over 300lbs, leg press over 1000lbs.

When I got injured and left the department, my body had no idea how to cope. Neither did I.  I gained 100lbs in the first 12 months.  I was mostly eating a peanut butter sandwich, a thing of Ramen noodles and a glass of milk.  Once a day.  That was it, and it started a pattern.  My stomach (the actual organ) shrank as my belly grew.  I drove the hubby and the BF crazy.  We'd go out to eat and I'd pick at my food, eating only a few bites.  I was rarely hungry "for" anything, and when it came time to pick something to eat, I couldn't make a decision.  Nor did it help either of their waistlines that whatever I didn't finish, they usually would.  I wonder how many pounds those two are carrying around just from polishing off my food.  *insert guilt here*  Add to that, when I'd go visit the BF, we'd eat three meals a day - unlike at home.  Hubby would go to work, I wouldn't eat while he was gone.  He'd come home, we'd have dinner.  He'd finish what I didn't eat. But visiting the BF, we were together for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  He'd want to eat all three meals, and I was with him.  So he'd have his three meals, and often half of mine.  If hubby was along, at least they were dividing it up between them.  Nice of me to be handing so much extra food to them, huh?  Not.

Suffice it to say, the concept of eating 40pts worth of food was terribly daunting, and I thought, impossible.  I've learned how to adapt, and my body is thanking me for it.  So I definitely understand where the other newbies are coming from, and I think I can help.  I'll work on getting that page up tomorrow since I need to go to bed soon.

I forgot to take progress pictures when we did the measurements today.  Hubby says we'll do them tomorrow.  I'm not sure when I'll upload them to the site - but I doubt it will be for a few months.  I want to be able to SEE some progress in the pictures before I start sharing them.  I'm just not ready for that yet.  But I will be, of that I have no doubt.

I do know that I FEEL progress.  I truly am amazed by what a difference those 16lbs have made in how I feel, physically.  It's such a drastic improvement.  For me, with my back and my fibromyalgia, it's something of a miracle.  I know that I need to get started with some sort of more formalized exercise plan, whether that be getting into the YMCA and swimming, signing up for water aerobics, getting serious about walking, getting the Wii fit setup.  Right now, I'm still so happy about being able to take care of things around my house, I'm sort of basking in that.  I've also got a little fear about the whole thing - I am afraid of pushing myself into a fibro flare by overdoing it.  It's so easy to overdo it when you finally feel some lessening of the pain, but it's a trap, and one I have learned to be leery of.

So I am trying to prioritize.  Right now, my house desperately needed my attention.  I'm starting there.  Given how sedentary I was before starting Weight Watchers, this represents activity for me.  The tracker even allows me to earn one activity point for every 10 minutes of housework I do because of my weight and previous activity level.  I am starting there.  I have various projects around the house I intend to finish in the coming days/weeks to bring my house back "up to snuff" by my standards.  Then I'll start worrying about adding in additional activity - pushing myself with walking further, getting into the classes at the YMCA, etc.  If I don't ease into this, I'll wind up in bed for a month.  That is probably the biggest potential for derailment of my weight loss efforts that I have, so I am doing what I can to keep it from becoming an issue.

It's actually hard to remind myself to sit down and rest - I want to keep going.  I'm so eager to get into that pool at the Y, I can taste it.  But that way lies the potential for sabotage, so I am trying to proceed at a reasonable pace rather than rushing in.

Patience has never been one of my virtues.

Look! A Star!!

See my new pretty?  That's my reward for having lost my first 5lbs on Weight Watchers!  Actually, I lost 7.4lbs this past week, which means I'm only 2.6lbs away from getting a 10lb star.  I am a little pathetically happy about this deal. *grins*

My eleventh day on Weight Watchers is coming to a close and I've got to say, I am truly and genuinely ENJOYING this. So is the hubby, strangely enough.  We'd gotten into a lot of bad habits when it came to food, and in the process, we'd stopped doing something we love - cooking together.

We're a really good team.  Zebby and I fit together like puzzle pieces.  We have a rhythm to our life together, like two instruments in an orchestra that harmonize perfectly.  One of the many activities we've enjoyed sharing in the last nearly 11 years has been cooking.  There's something really kind of beautiful about the way we flow together in a kitchen.

Unfortunately, two things have been taking away from that... the first, is that I put on nearly 50 additional pounds in about 14 months.  That played into the second - my fibromyalgia getting really out of control.  When you spend the majority of your time in pain, the last thing you want to do is get up and "do" something.  Because of this, I was in the kitchen less.  I was also sending him to the store to do most of the grocery shopping.  End result:  we'd stopped cooking together.  We were eating out or getting take out more often than not.  And since I would rarely eat unless he was here to prepare something for me, I would make really BAD food choices when I did finally eat.  That's how you put on a huge amount of weight in a very short time.

I said when I started this blog that I did not want to reveal how much I weigh.  I'm realizing how silly that is.  I weigh what I weigh... and while I am "lucky" to be tall (5'10"), and "lucky" to have a TRULY large bone structure (elbow breadth is 3 1/2", wrist is 8"), which means my poundage doesn't look "as bad" on me as it would on someone with a smaller frame... I'm kidding myself if I think people don't realize how damn fat I really am.  Of course they do... whether I "look" like I weigh less than I "actually" weigh or not, I STILL LOOK FAT!!!

I am also really PROUD of what I am doing right now - so why shouldn't I share that?

So - here's my stats... and I'm going to put them somewhere more obvious so that if someone DOES end up here looking for some inspiration or something, they've got all the facts:

Age: 39 years, 4 months
Height: 5'10"
Starting Weight: 350lbs @ start of WW on September 2nd 2010
Measurements as of September 2nd 2010:

• Elbow breadth:  3 1/2"
• Wrist:  8"
• Neck:  19 1/2"
• Bust:  56 3/4"
• Waist:  58 1/2"
• Hips:  58"
• Right Arm:  19"
• Left Arm:  18"
• Right Thigh:  33"
• Left Thigh:  34"
• Blouse Size:  30/32 or 5xl - a bit baggy, but mentally, I need that
• Pants Size:  28 or 3xl/4xl - ends up fitting the waist but loose in the legs  (a note on my clothing sizes:  Probably NOT a good idea to use them for comparison... I have no fashion sense, no "quality clothing concepts" - if the pants zip and the top is over-sized, I'll wear it.  Beyond that, I have ZERO knowledge about sizing or style.)

Current Weight:  342.6lbs on September 9th, 2010

I plan on only doing measurements once a month, rather than weekly, because I just don't expect to see those numbers changing much from week to week.

One of the things I do to keep myself motivated is to hunt up sites of women who have lost similar amounts on  Weight Watchers.  I find them mostly through the WW's discussion forums, and will spend hours paging through "Before" and "After" pictures looking for someone who started out "like me" and who has ended up where I want to be.  I am hoping to eventually be one of those women who has a site other women haunt... and I am hoping to be able to keep up with providing the information I am always looking for when I view the sites others have made.

I'm very lucky... my husband is 100% on board with me doing this.  I think in some ways, he feels that my weight is somehow "his fault."  When Zeb and I first met, I was still on the fire department.  He LOVES big women, and felt I was too skinny. LOL  So in some ways, he has encouraged me to gain weight over the years, or at least not in any way complained or rejected me while it was happening.  He still finds me incredibly sexy - no, I don't see it either - but HE does... and in the past, my comments about wanting to lose weight have met with a bit of whining on his part.  This time, he is totally on board.

I'm also really fortunate to have a BF cheering me on as well.  He has been tolerantly listening to me blather on about my menu plan, my food choices, Weight Watchers in general.  Really, what guy wants to listen to that sort of thing?  But he does... he knows how unhappy I've been as the weight has poured on, and he knows that I've struggled with Zeb's resistance to my plans to lose weight in the past.  He's also watched me make "BIG PLANS!!!" before, and has seen me let them fall by the wayside.  A few days ago I told him in an email that I am really hoping this time will be different, that I actually believe I can stick with this.  He responded by saying, "You’ve stuck with more aggravating things in your life for lots longer  :::  smirk :::"

He means him. LOL

But he's right.  I have stuck with much more aggravating things in my life for much longer... the weight itself being one of them.

I think it also helps that I know that the people who love me genuinely love me, whether I am fat or thin or somewhere in between.  I have a strong support system.  I have people in my life who will be totally honest with me.  People who truly WANT me around for a very long time.  That helps tremendously.  I can't imagine trying to do this without them, without their love.

I may be doing this for me, but it is more enjoyable and do-able because of them.