My eleventh day on Weight Watchers is coming to a close and I've got to say, I am truly and genuinely ENJOYING this. So is the hubby, strangely enough. We'd gotten into a lot of bad habits when it came to food, and in the process, we'd stopped doing something we love - cooking together.
We're a really good team. Zebby and I fit together like puzzle pieces. We have a rhythm to our life together, like two instruments in an orchestra that harmonize perfectly. One of the many activities we've enjoyed sharing in the last nearly 11 years has been cooking. There's something really kind of beautiful about the way we flow together in a kitchen.
Unfortunately, two things have been taking away from that... the first, is that I put on nearly 50 additional pounds in about 14 months. That played into the second - my fibromyalgia getting really out of control. When you spend the majority of your time in pain, the last thing you want to do is get up and "do" something. Because of this, I was in the kitchen less. I was also sending him to the store to do most of the grocery shopping. End result: we'd stopped cooking together. We were eating out or getting take out more often than not. And since I would rarely eat unless he was here to prepare something for me, I would make really BAD food choices when I did finally eat. That's how you put on a huge amount of weight in a very short time.
I said when I started this blog that I did not want to reveal how much I weigh. I'm realizing how silly that is. I weigh what I weigh... and while I am "lucky" to be tall (5'10"), and "lucky" to have a TRULY large bone structure (elbow breadth is 3 1/2", wrist is 8"), which means my poundage doesn't look "as bad" on me as it would on someone with a smaller frame... I'm kidding myself if I think people don't realize how damn fat I really am. Of course they do... whether I "look" like I weigh less than I "actually" weigh or not, I STILL LOOK FAT!!!
I am also really PROUD of what I am doing right now - so why shouldn't I share that?
So - here's my stats... and I'm going to put them somewhere more obvious so that if someone DOES end up here looking for some inspiration or something, they've got all the facts:
Age: 39 years, 4 months
Height: 5'10"
Starting Weight: 350lbs @ start of WW on September 2nd 2010
Measurements as of September 2nd 2010:
- Elbow breadth: 3 1/2"
- Wrist: 8"
- Neck: 19 1/2"
- Bust: 56 3/4"
- Waist: 58 1/2"
- Hips: 58"
- Right Arm: 19"
- Left Arm: 18"
- Right Thigh: 33"
- Left Thigh: 34"
- Blouse Size: 30/32 or 5xl - a bit baggy, but mentally, I need that
- Pants Size: 28 or 3xl/4xl - ends up fitting the waist but loose in the legs (a note on my clothing sizes: Probably NOT a good idea to use them for comparison... I have no fashion sense, no "quality clothing concepts" - if the pants zip and the top is over-sized, I'll wear it. Beyond that, I have ZERO knowledge about sizing or style.)
Current Weight: 342.6lbs on September 9th, 2010
I plan on only doing measurements once a month, rather than weekly, because I just don't expect to see those numbers changing much from week to week.
One of the things I do to keep myself motivated is to hunt up sites of women who have lost similar amounts on Weight Watchers. I find them mostly through the WW's discussion forums, and will spend hours paging through "Before" and "After" pictures looking for someone who started out "like me" and who has ended up where I want to be. I am hoping to eventually be one of those women who has a site other women haunt... and I am hoping to be able to keep up with providing the information I am always looking for when I view the sites others have made.
I'm very lucky... my husband is 100% on board with me doing this. I think in some ways, he feels that my weight is somehow "his fault." When Zeb and I first met, I was still on the fire department. He LOVES big women, and felt I was too skinny. LOL So in some ways, he has encouraged me to gain weight over the years, or at least not in any way complained or rejected me while it was happening. He still finds me incredibly sexy - no, I don't see it either - but HE does... and in the past, my comments about wanting to lose weight have met with a bit of whining on his part. This time, he is totally on board.
I'm also really fortunate to have a BF cheering me on as well. He has been tolerantly listening to me blather on about my menu plan, my food choices, Weight Watchers in general. Really, what guy wants to listen to that sort of thing? But he does... he knows how unhappy I've been as the weight has poured on, and he knows that I've struggled with Zeb's resistance to my plans to lose weight in the past. He's also watched me make "BIG PLANS!!!" before, and has seen me let them fall by the wayside. A few days ago I told him in an email that I am really hoping this time will be different, that I actually believe I can stick with this. He responded by saying, "You’ve stuck with more aggravating things in your life for lots longer ::: smirk :::"
He means him. LOL
But he's right. I have stuck with much more aggravating things in my life for much longer... the weight itself being one of them.
I think it also helps that I know that the people who love me genuinely love me, whether I am fat or thin or somewhere in between. I have a strong support system. I have people in my life who will be totally honest with me. People who truly WANT me around for a very long time. That helps tremendously. I can't imagine trying to do this without them, without their love.
I may be doing this for me, but it is more enjoyable and do-able because of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment