Emotional Eating...

This is something I posted in response to a thread on my (totally awesome) 100+ board on the Weight Watcher's site.  I'm copying it here because it's something I need to think on, explore... and putting it on my blog makes me accountable... it will force me to look at it, to think about it.

I find this really interesting.  A few days ago I read a post about "emotional eating," and I thought to myself, "I don't do that."  

And I don't - not in the way I was thinking about it.  I don't go grab the ice cream or chips or whatever because I'm sad or depressed.  I don't "binge" eat.  I won't polish off a package of Oreos in one sitting because I had a bad day at work.

But reading your post... that has me thinking.  I am VERY picky about my food.  It has to be right, or I won't eat it.  I think my emotions control HOW I eat - as in, I will ignore my hunger signals all day, eat once (and not well), and then get wrapped up in something so I can ignore the hunger signals again.  

I don't have a healthy relationship with food - but for me, instead of it being a comfort or a pleasure, it's something I am almost "angry" about.  Angry that I "MUST" put food in my mouth to survive.  Angry that I "MUST" eat or my blood sugar drops (I'm hypoglycemic, so yeah, not eating is REALLY not good).  Angry that I "MUST" acknowledge signals from my body.  

So I try to ignore it, until it is right in my face, and then to prove I don't care, I eat whatever is at hand... whatever is easy.

Hubby and I have always loved cooking together, but we stopped - the more my back hurt, the less I wanted to do, and so I would eat only when he got home from work, and usually it was take-out. We loved cooking together, but I would often pick at whatever we'd cooked.  Almost resenting the "now it's time to eat it" part.

We're back to cooking together, enjoying that together, and I am STARTING to enjoy eating what I cook.  Bit by bit.  

But I think part of me still resents the need to eat, and I need to figure out why.

Thank you for helping me look at this.